It is Thanksgiving week and I have finally logged into this account baffled that my last post was 3 months ago in August. While the fall semester has moved fairly fast, it has quite literally hit me like a hurricane, two to be exact and one ironically with my actual name. And the timing has been absolutely the worst it could possibly be! But as dancers, we are flexible mentally and physically. So we pause and find a way to proceed amidst the chaos of the storm.
Two weeks ago, I was finalizing our production of the annual school musical to be informed that Hurricane Nicole was on the way to the South Florida region. No one could predict the size or place, but heavy rain, wind, and school closures were inevitable. And the show was to have a full performance and audience in a matter of days. We weren't ready to begin with and now this storm was coming in to take away the few rehearsals that I did have left. What were we going to do? As creative directors, we collaborated to come up with a solution. The school administrators allowed our students the entire day Friday to rehearse and prepare for our opening night. But even then, mandatory tests and projects had to be presented and dedicated students still tagged out of rehearsal to complete these important assignments. As a director, I tried to remain calm. But every ounce of me was overcome with anxiety that entire day. I honestly thank my experience as a mother that I did not lose it in front of my cast. They needed me to be their leader and guide them through this insanely challenging uphill battle. Between my incredible creative team, we got through the day. What ensued between the rehearsal day and the show was proof that sometimes, even big kids need to be kids to relax. Between making mini waffles and coloring, my high school students could be heard laughing and giggling as they killed time before show prep. Their cheerful voices helped me relax and I knew that regardless of what happened on the stage that night, they were going to be okay. We had all done the best we could and that's all that any of us could ask. That night, by the grace of God, the cast of Grease did a fantastic production! Things worked that never had worked before and the energy was electric! I was so proud of their product and finally took a huge exhale at the end of the night. I began to think about how often I try to control so much in my life. But sometimes when I just step back and let it all unfold, things turn out better than I expect. I am thankful that I have learned these various processes over the years...as a director, a choreographer, a teacher, and a mom. All of them have benefitted me in one way or another. My process as a director has given me assertiveness to deal with my son when I need. My creativity as a choreographer contributes to creating fun activities on a rainy day. My patience as a teacher reminds me that I must also share that quality with my little guy. And of course, everything benefits from my experience as a mom. The struggle has been incredibly real over the last few months. But when I step back and reflect, I am blessed with these past experiences to help me somewhere along the journey. Even amidst the chaos, may you also find gratitude and know that someday you will understand why. Happy Thanksgiving and happy dancing mommas!
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It's hard to believe that it is August, school is starting back, and summer is coming to an end. I have really enjoyed reaching out to friends from the industry to discuss their experiences as moms in the industry. Someone that I met just a few years ago continues to blow my mind with her experience and abilities as a mom. I actually wonder if she sleeps at all! When I met Angelica Burgos, we were both pursuing our MFA in Choreography at Jacksonville University. I was newly pregnant and she had two darling little girls. Not only does she have a busy life as a mom and dance teacher, she often works with her husband, a professor of dance in Richmond, Virginia! Let's see what Angelica has to share about her experience in the biz.
What was your process from professionalism into parenthood? I always knew that having a family was a huge priority for me, but as you know well for dancers, it is all about establishing their career first. For many years, I was a professional dancer with Sacramento Ballet, Ballet Hispanico and then West Side Story on Broadway,. Being on Broadway gave me the opportunity to slow down and have more time for myself. This time in my life was a perfect window of opportunity to evolve, invest in myself on many levels, explore higher education and dedicate time for a family. Once I made that choice things started to change, I realized there were many more opportunities for myself to grow as an artist, educator and choreographer, wife and eventually mother. With you and your husband both being dance teachers and choreographers, how do you manage your schedules? Managing our schedule is in itself a very difficult task!! We both are now exploring similar choreographic and teaching opportunities, but our daughters always are our 1st priority. I look at each opportunity carefully and assess which one of us will qualify the most. We communicate, pre-plan, and have monthly check-ins with each other. We do not have family close by and are solely dependent on each other. With that said, we have been very lucky that I work my teaching schedule around Eric's and therefore, things are manageable for the most part. Busy families like us with extremely busy and creative careers are always a bit crazy but certainly all worth it. As a recent MFA graduate, what advice would you give to dancing mommas who would like to continue their education? I would advise anyone who is interested in pursuing their MFA to go for it! It is the best self-investment one can do! As a full time, mother of two small children, with two full time jobs and an MFA candidate, my journey was hard. I never had a moment to breathe, it felt like I was on a fast-running train that never stopped and wasn't ever going to stop. There were many sacrifices but I understood what such accomplishment would provide for me and my family. It takes a lot of work, outside support, an incredible partner to hold your hand when needed, and self-determination. I now look back at my MFA diploma and know it was the best decision for me! Many doors have opened up that simply didn't before I had my MFA. I have evolved as an educator and curated a deep understanding about my teaching methodology and found my voice as a choreographer. I have always been in awe of her abilities as a dancer, choreographer, and teacher but she was also an inspiration to me as a parent. Seeing how she was able to balance, even though sometimes it would be very challenging, encouraged me to keep going and know that I would come out the other side stronger. I am grateful for her friendship and mentorship. May her words and experience be a reminder that it is possible to make it all work. Happy dancing, mommas! Wow! It is already halfway through July and the summer has been filled with fun family activities. This off time has allowed me to check-in with family from afar that definitely does not get my attention during the traditional school year. It has also allowed me to step back and observe my little guy and how much he is changing by the day. It is fascinating to watch him grow and learn.
Another thing that I have enjoyed is having the time to catch up with colleagues/friends in a non-work environment. I previously mentioned two amazing people that keep me going throughout the school year. My first interview was with one of them and allow me to introduce the second- Courtney Teas is the ballet director for Pine Crest School and has two amazing kiddos. A beautiful dancer and teacher (seriously, I could watch her mark her por de bras for hours) but also a former ballet dancer for San Francisco Ballet. Here is what Courtney had to say about her journey as a mom. How was the transition from dancing professionally to being a mom and dance teacher? Ending my professional ballet career was really hard!! My identity was tied to being a dancer for as long as I could remember. After I stopped dancing professionally, I didn't feel that I was "the ballerina" (as I was often referred to by family) anymore. It was a weird & sad feeling. I was still teaching dance, but I felt lost. Therefore, when I found out we were having a baby just a year after ending my professional career, I was super excited! It gave me a new identity, "mom"! I loved my new title! Being a mom gave me a new purpose and passion. I enjoyed being home with my son, but soon found that I really missed dance. It had been a part of my life since I was 2 years old and I missed that creative aspect in my life. Therefore, shortly after having my first child, I headed back to the dance studio to teach for my former ballet director. I only taught a few nights a week but it gave me back my identity as "the ballerina". It reignited my passion for dance and it allowed me to realize that I could be both... the ballerina and the mom. I think that getting back into the studio to teach dance actually made me a better mom. It gave me that bit of "me time" that I craved, while doing something that made me feel fulfilled. What is your greatest challenge as a dance educator and mom? The greatest challenge is definitely scheduling! Dance is typically an after-school activity that takes place in the evenings and weekends. That can be especially challenging when you add kids and a husband. For many years I would bring my baby to the dance studio with me. A dance mom would watch him until my husband was able to get off work and could drive to pick him up & bring him home. That presented its own set of challenges. My husband, who was already tired after a long day of work, had to figure out how to solo parent an infant. He was willing to do it because he knew how passionate I was to continue my teaching career, but it wasn't easy. We were both tired and stressed. Eventually, we started to pay a babysitter to stay home with the kids until my husband got home from work. That eliminated the extra car time with a screaming baby, but financially was a wash. I pretty much made the same amount of money teaching that we were paying our babysitter to watch our two children. Therefore, when the chance to teach dance during the day at a private school was presented to me, I jumped at the opportunity! It gave me the opportunity to teach at the same school my children attended and limited the amount of late nights and evenings that I was out teaching. Of course, as with any performing art, there are always additional rehearsals and performances that keep me late at school. I am extremely grateful to have a supportive husband and mom to help me, especially in the days and weeks leading up to a big performance. Their support and understanding allow me to focus on my students and enjoy the creative process. Do you have any advice or thoughts for someone who teaches dance and is a mom? My advice is that it is okay to be passionate about both. My children and family are my greatest blessing and will always come first! But I also love my career teaching ballet! I love seeing my students grow and improve as dancers. I also love the creative process of putting on a ballet production. I would also advise that it's nearly impossible to do without support. Moms need friends, partners, or family members to support their dreams and encourage them to keep going. Surrounding yourself with supportive people allows you to put your full self into your job and not feel guilty about it. They say "it takes a village" and it truly does! There is no way that I could be successful at work without my supportive co-workers and administrators. I equally couldn't be successful as a mom without the constant help and encouragement of my family and friends. Courtney's experience and growth as a mom provides such a unique perspective that is very human. We might be feeling disappointment or frustration, but still have that obligation to strap on a smile and be grateful for where we are. This interview showed me that it doesn't matter how amazing your career and experience was before children, you never truly lose the urge to dance. And you shouldn't have to sacrifice it if you do not choose to. Finding your balance and your path is important to your own journey as an artist AND a mother. A happy parent is a loving one and if your job brings you joy, then just think what is going on in that little mind that gives you a hug when you walk in the door. Thank you Courtney for your insight! Summer is finally here and I am honestly overjoyed for a little time to focus on one thing-my family! I feel like most people in education are a little more eager for summer, but I believe that dance educators are more ready than anyone! It has been a rollercoaster of a year as we work our way through the restrictions that the pandemic placed on our industry. As a mother who is also in education, I find that I am constantly seeking guidance from my colleagues. I am fortunate to work with two amazing women who are also moms and always willing to help however they can.
When I began this blog, I wanted to share not only my experiences, but also those of my friends and peers in the industry. And because it is summer and I am not actively teaching, what better way to introduce their stories than now! Therefore, I would like to introduce my first interviewee, Amy Cichoski, one of the incredible fellow teachers I am blessed to work beside. Amy is the Dance Program Director at Pine Crest School, where she has been a dance teacher for over 20 years! In addition to all of her duties that her teaching and director role requires, she is the mother of two amazing children. I asked Amy for a few thoughts to assist other moms in a similar situation. What has been your greatest challenge being a full time dance educator and a mom of two? Balancing! Both jobs keep me on my toes (pun intended!). One of the challenges I find is when I’m home with my family I’m thinking about work and vice versa. I battle feeling that I don’t do either job well. Do you find that some of your family influence or inspiration carries over into your studio life? I’ve always believed that being a Mother makes me a better teacher and being a teacher makes me a better Mother! As a teacher, I try to always remember that my students are someone else’s children and I would want my children’s teacher to be nurturing and kind. As the dance program director, how do you manage all of your responsibilities at work and home? Any advice for other dance teachers in a similar situation? I have an amazing partner…my husband Chris! A relationship cannot be 50/50…it needs to be 100/100! When I can’t do something or can’t be somewhere, Chris is able to do it! We’ve always been able to divide and conquer! When I have rehearsal after school…Chris is able to pick up the children. When I have a performance or I know it’s going to be a late night Chris is able to handle the nightly routine. I’m extremely grateful for this! My advice is to have a great partner in life and everything falls into place! Having insight from other people that are in a similar position has proven to be incredibly beneficial to me. I am grateful to Amy for her guidance at work and as a mom. Hopefully some of her words of wisdom can be helpful to someone else out there. Thank you Amy for sharing your thoughts! Happy Summer dancing mommas! Here we are...May of 2022. It has been such a quirky year and we have made it this far, yet it has seemed like an uphill battle the entire time. Summer is almost here! We just have to take it one day at a time and pray that we come out the other side unscathed.
The topic of this post is not one that particularly pertains to dancers or dance teachers. But it does address the incredible standard that most of us expect of ourselves. As dancers, we are constantly thriving to have the best technique, be in the best shape, look as great as we can, and be as close to perfect as possible. It seems only natural that we would carry those tendencies over as parents, right? The only problem is, it is the farthest from natural and so not healthy for you or your child. So, what do you do??? Full disclaimer, my son has some issues that are being addressed with therapy. He is fine and healthy, but has some behavioral issues that are less than desirable. They are unacceptable in my book. Just like falling out of a single pirouette is unacceptable. It is just plain not okay. And every time he acts out and has a problem, I feel like I used to feel when I would bomb an audition or have a horrible dance class. It literally ruins my day and I find myself dwelling on it and searching for answers for a quick remedy. When I get the news that he has had yet another problem, tears fill my eyes, it doesn't matter where I am. I scour the internet for any expedited remedies and talk to as many therapists that I can. The reality is, he isn't some trick that I can spend a few extra hours on and find a solution to the problem. He is my child, my love, my pride and joy, and whatever he is going through has so many more layers than some bad dance habits. But just as bad habits are hard to break, so are his new ones. It takes time and patience. And I have to remember that he is brand new to this world and trying to navigate everything. If he were meant to know it all right away, he would have been born that way and this journey would be quite different. I find myself refraining from posting a ton of photos and posts on social media these days. Maybe I feel that I am doing an injustice because we are miles from a perfect family? I am not ashamed or embarrassed of my little guy, but I have a very difficult time meeting the social expectation that is misperceived as perfection. As I take a step back and look at the small wins, I try to really soak in the good moments and share those with others. But perhaps there is some beauty in that, too? I pray that my son's flaws contribute to the memories that are his journey and the strong human that he will hopefully become. May the days of struggle be afterthoughts and may I remember the joyful successes. Just like learning how to perform a clean pirouette can feel like a small feat, you don't always remember how many times you fell or how long it took. As humans, sometimes all we can do is strive be the best version of our unique selves. Wow! I can't believe that March is almost over and I have not posted since the beginning of February! Time really does get away from you when you are chasing those little feet. Spring presents so many new and fun activities, but it also is a dance teachers busiest time. Recitals, shows, ballets, concerts, and more are scheduled. It is a fun, exciting, and rewarding time, but it can also be stressful to separate your life at home from your life at work.
This post is definitely not one to share how I make it work. As a matter of fact, it is quite the opposite. It is more of an admittance that I have a problem overcommitting. When I lived in New York about 15 years ago, I remember temping in Union Square at a major corporation and running down to Chelsea Studios on my lunch hour to audition for something. And then sprinting back 15 minutes late, trying to avoid my supervisor. I would call my boyfriend (now husband) and tell him how everything went and that phone conversation counted as our time together. Later that day, I would take a dance class and then head back home to possibly repeat it all the next day. My how times have changed... I have to be honest, dancers are such a unique breed. Our desire and need to rise above and excel in everything is such a large part of who we are. We never want to disappoint anyone and will definitely put ourselves last. So, what happens when you throw a husband and a child into the mix? How do you compartmentalize and make time for everything and everyone? The fact is...you don't. And no matter how hard I try, I am finding it impossible to be there for everyone and everything. On the flip side, I have serious FOMO!!! I constantly feel like if I miss out on a rehearsal, show, family event, or something for my son that I am somehow becoming obsolete. I am letting down someone. It is becoming a roll of the dice on any given day as to who the person affected will be...my colleagues, my husband, or my son? While I recognize not all dancers are going to have this conflict, I wonder how many do and don't speak up about it? It is a little embarrassing because I feel like I don't have control over my life. But then again, who does? Enjoying the journey is something that I am told often and try to remember. Just trying to soak it up because it doesn't last very long. And hopefully one day, all of this stress of trying to juggle everything will seem like a distant memory and I will be proud of how hard I tried. Happy February! I can't believe that this year is moving right along. I took a couple of weeks to tend to some family business and just be. I am learning the importance of designating time for oneself and family. This process is an ever-evolving one and I am definitely an eager student!
A few weeks ago, I discussed how dancing got me through pregnancy. This week, I am addressing how being a mother is not just aiding me as a dance teacher, but also giving me inspiration. It has been years since I worked with students under the age of 12. Most of my performers were of middle and high school age. I have made it part of my personal teaching philosophy to consider the perspective of the student. For high school, I feel like I have been able to connect to my students and find a way to relate. But for the younger ones, it was a struggle. Then I had my son. I truly believe that it takes a special person to work with young children. I applaud my son's teachers all of the time. But working in a specialty area, such as dance, I feel like it can be even more challenging. The goal is to engage them, but you don't want to be too strict or serious because then you lose them completely. You want them to WANT to come to the class, but you also went them to listen and participate. Simple enough, right? Explain this to a 6 year-old. For the first time in a long time, I find myself teaching younger children. I was so nervous to begin the year. I mean, how much freeze dance can you play? But as the year has progressed, I have seen how my relationship with my own child has come into play with these students. Sometimes, as tired as you are, you have to jump around and be silly to appeal to this audience. You do not get to be vulnerable. This doesn't mean that there won't be students who push boundaries. Of course, there are the ones that love to hurl themselves around and onto the floor. But I finally get it, or at least have a little clearer understanding of it! My son loves to roll around and wrestle! Why would these kids be any different in a place where they can be themselves and have fun with physical movement? Once I realized this, I had a different approach to my role in this course. That deeper sense of understanding and empathy I mentioned, I didn't think that it was necessary for little ones. I just thought I needed to be kind and fun. Oh, but was I wrong?! If anything, you need a greater one. Seeing my 2 year-old navigate each day has given me this empathy that I must have for younger students. He is still learning what is right and wrong, hot and cold, good and bad, so on and so forth. The children I have been teaching are only a few years older than him. They are still figuring it all out, too. And we also must keep in mind that some of these students have never even seen the inside of a classroom until this year, due to Covid and quarantine. Talk about an adjustment!!! No wonder they are excited or nervous! I am far from the best dance teacher for small children. I have a long way to go before I nail the exact formula on how to approach this. But I can finally find some joy in it and feel like I can better connect with these little ones. By reaching out to other teachers and doing my own homework, I have learned that it is possible to teach any age. You just can't get ahead of yourself and think that you know better. Because no one loves to tell you that you are wrong more than a child. :). Last week I discussed how the ability to dance got me through pregnancy. This week I am going to address another part of pregnancy. This post may trigger an emotional or frustrated response from some individuals. Keep in mind that this was strictly MY experience. And not once did I regret or resent having a child. I was elated to know that I was going to have a baby. But my issues that I had with my own body prior to conceiving did not magically go away when I got pregnant. They just presented themselves in a different way.
First of all, I know that many people have dislikes and frustrations with their physical appearance. As a dancer, I tend to find those problem areas and constantly hone in on them. Looking in a mirror for several hours a day, you have plenty of time to do that. So when I found out I was pregnant, this was immediately one of my first concerns. During my first trimester, it wasn’t too bad. Actually, I wondered if and when I would really start showing. I was dancing in grad school, so I was definitely active. Then the second trimester hit and it was time to share with others that I was carrying a child. My belly was still pretty small and I could get away with wearing most of my normal clothes. The joy that people shared in my news quickly wore off when I began receiving unwarranted comments on my body and how I was carrying. “Oh my goodness, you are so tiny!” or “wow, you are really showing today” all rang in my head and gave me the strangest form of anxiety. It wasn’t a simple, “oh you look radiant”, “you are beautiful”, or “you look happy.” It was the comments on my physical appearance. And what bothered me even more was that it was considered normal and acceptable! I remember teaching ballet at the beginning of my third trimester and doing a tendu back while facing the barre. I looked in the mirror and holy crap! Where did that booty come from??? As soon as I realized it, I pulled my sweater over my backside. I avoided wearing anything even remotely rump exposing after that, even in a dance class. Should I have been ashamed? No, of course not! But that strange thing in my brain that told me I needed to look a certain way went into overdrive that day. There was a constant battle going on in my brain between what I knew was essential for the health of my child and a 20-year old habit of scrutinizing my appearance. Even getting in the pool in my own backyard, I refrained from wearing anything that was too revealing. I found myself not wanting to take pregnancy photos and had 0 desire to have professional ones. I wasn’t very social and didn’t always want to go out to dinner or see friends. My social media presence was dwindling and I never even announced my pregnancy on Facebook or Instagram. Again, it had nothing to do with being ashamed of being a mother. It was strictly my body. Fortunately, by my last month of pregnancy, which was also during the Christmas break, I became so busy with preparing and planning, I tended not to notice my growing belly. I also wasn’t spending the majority of my day staring at my reflection, so that was a plus. I finally felt excited for what was to come. And of course, January 9, he changed my life for the better. I present this topic because I am saddened that it isn’t discussed more, especially during this time of body acceptance. Do I think that being a dancer amplified my problem? Not necessarily. But many of my traits that I have AS a dancer did not benefit my frustrations with weight gain and my changing body. Dancers are eager to please and are constantly striving for perfection. I could not always perform certain steps, as there were some restrictions for my, and my unborn child’s, safety. In addition to my changing body, my stamina was not up to par. While these were all temporary, it created a small sense of panic in my head. I am grateful to my fellow dancing mommies, both in my office and in life, who helped me navigate this process. It is challenging to have issues with your body…period. Sometimes knowing that you aren’t the only one can just make you feel a little less alone. And I hope that this post does just that. Tomorrow, I will be the mother of a two-year old. It is truly mind blowing how fast time flies. Though 1/9 is my son's birthdate, the 8th is just as significant.
In January 2020, after the holidays, I worked frantically to prepare my classes for my upcoming maternity leave. I wanted to ensure that my students knew their warm-up and were prepared to adapt to class with a temporary teacher. In theory, I had almost two weeks to prepare them for my leave. My due date was the 19th. However, on January 8th, I was working on battements and pirouettes with them and actually doing them myself! So imagine my surprise when my perinatal doctor sent me to the hospital to be induced that evening! The planner and organizer in me was definitely thrown off. I thought, "how can I possibly be having my child now? I was dancing this morning!!!". But of course, at 11:06 the next day, the 9th, my little guy arrived. Ironically, Etta James "At Last" was playing through my airpods when I made the final push. Being able to dance throughout my pregnancy made such a difference for me. I spent a lot of my pregnancy uncertain and concerned, mostly because I wasn't sure what was supposed to be "normal". I equated being able to dance with my regular routine, therefore, it provided a sense of calm for me. As my pregnancy progressed into the final trimester, I definitely slowed down a bit. But even being in the studio felt like a safe space to occupy. I also found additional connections with my unborn son. I will never forget the time that I was teaching grand battements to my ballet class and I felt a few quick jabs to my ribs from the inside. He was right on the music, even in utero! These little moments brought joy and a renewed sense of excitement each time. And I welcomed these new discoveries as a way to bond with my little human. Being a parent is exciting, but it can also be daunting and terrifying. And pregnancy is no different. People say that you forget the uncomfortableness and the pain you experience. Unfortunately, I am not there quite yet. But, I hope I never forget the beautiful moments that I shared while dancing and creating with my little guy still in my belly. It was a common bond that we shared and even on the outside, he still loves to dance! Happy birthday to my sweet boy! Cheers and Happy New Year to all! I think that it is fair to say that we all are hoping for something better in 2022. My name is Nikki Allred Boyd and I am a dancer, choreographer, dance teacher, and as of January 2020, a mom. This blog is about that...life as a mom who dances.
Now, some people may wonder why this differs from any other parenting blog. My goal for this is to discuss and reveal struggles and successes of being a mother in this industry. Being a mom is hard...period. Even if your life is 100% devoted to raising your child and nothing else, the struggle can be so real at times. But what happens when other passions and obligations come in to play? My entire existence on this planet has primarily revolved around dance. That sounds extreme, but it's true. My schedule, my habits, and my diet all play a role in my life as a dancer. So what happens when you add a small human in the mix? I know that I am not a rare case. There are several mothers in this industry. From professional ballet to Broadway, moms are everywhere! I remember reading bios in programs and the performers mentioning their favorite role to date is being a mom. That line always impressed me and I thought, "wow! They are superheroes!". Popular dance publications have saluted and celebrated these individuals for the persistence and continued work in the business. But underneath the social media posts and pictures, the stage lights and makeup, what is underneath? Do dancers have the same struggles as every other parent? Or is the pressure more? Dancers have an inner desire for perfection. That's what makes us some of the hardest workers in the performing arts. Does that same ambition affect the way you approach parenting? What happens when things don't work out the way you anticipated? These are all questions that I am hoping to address through my own experiences and interviews with friends and colleagues. This blog is not meant to be political or a feminist approach to being a mom. It is simply in place to discuss the struggles and successes of being a momma who dances. From pregnancy to graduations, this journey is a unique one. Add to that one's artistic inclinations and it can be a whole new level of crazy! I think that crazy is worth talking about. Welcome to "The Dancing Momma"! |
AuthorNikki Allred Boyd (Dancer, Choreographer, Mom). Archives
March 2024
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