Here we are in 2024. After a pretty awful January, which we will just skip all together, I am happy to be propelled into a new month and the "love" month. There were so many negative things that started the year, but one positive shined it's light so bright that I haven't looked back since. And that light was the one that dancers often seek...the spotlight.
Now, I do not skate around the fact that I am no longer a young, 20 something performer. I have made my peace with my age and status in the business. But one thing that I have often reminisced about was my time onstage. Even after my son was born, I would have strange dreams of last minute calls to participate in one performance of a Broadway production that was in dire need of a stand-in. Still, I never expected to return to the stage again as a dancer. I thought that ship had sailed. That is until last week. A fellow performer of mine reached out to me regarding an opportunity to perform in a one night only corporate gig as a "Ginger Rogers" character. I would do a little singing, but also some tapping and other dancing. My initial instinct was to scream yes! But then, I had so many things to consider-rehearsal times, drop off/pickup at my son's school, my husband's work schedule, and so on. These details were much easier to sort out when it was just my husband and me. I approached him, thinking he would say that it isn't worth my time and energy. But his answer pleasantly surprised me. He told me that if I wanted to do it for me, then I should. So, after sorting out all of the details of childcare, babysitters, and transportation, I happily agreed. I did my best to prepare for rehearsals, but as I am no spring chicken, I also had to listen to my body. Some workouts proved to be a little too much too soon and I just needed to stretch and do my best to keep my body sound. Day one of rehearsal came and I was giddy with excitement. I did not know anyone and was eager to be back in the mix. The choreography was stunning and sharp and I had little moments of joy just watching the dancers. Learning some tap choreography again brought forth bursts of enthusiastic energy and memories of my favorite rehearsal processes came flooding back. The silly casual banter, the inside jokes, and the laughter all made way for each of us to break down that wall and get to know each individual just a little bit more. This was what it felt like to belong to a little artistic tribe again. For the first time in over six years, I felt validated, strong, capable, fulfilled, and joyful all at the same time. Of course, motherhood brings forth similar feelings, but those are shared. This was something that belonged to me and only me. And that was something that I had not experienced in a very long time. The one night only performance brought forward even more emotions. There was a lump in my throat that I felt during my first dress rehearsal when I realized that I 100% belonged up there, even though I was older and had not been on a stage in five plus years. I began to see that maybe hanging up my dance shoes wasn't in the cards after all. My entrance required me to stand on the side of the stage in character for a couple of minutes before crossing to begin my performance. During that time, a thought crossed my mind that pleasantly surprised me-I was not nervous! Not even slightly! Thinking back, I believe it was because I had the realization that I was right where I was meant to be. And I deserved this. After the performance, I confessed to the choreographers that it was my first time on the stage in over six years. Their surprise filled me with a lot of pride, as this showed that even a long absence can be hidden by a seasoned professional. One of them told me, "don't stop" and the other exclaimed "she's back baby!". Their enthusiasm for my return just added more fulfillment to the moment. Now I don't know if this means I am destined to return to the stage long term. It was challenging enough to figure out childcare and meals for one week. But what I do know is that a number does not mean that I have reached an expiration as a dancer or performer. And being a mother certainly does not either. For now, I will continue to bask in the glow of the spotlight from last week. And until I feel it again, I will remind myself that age nor parental status do not define who I am as an artist. May you have a beautiful February dancing, mommas!
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AuthorNikki Allred Boyd (Dancer, Choreographer, Mom). Archives
March 2024
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