Ever wonder- when life presents challenging situations or obstacles if other people in a similar position respond the same way? When all of the changes occurred in the last year with my job and my life, I wondered how someone in a similar situation would respond. I mean, I just received my graduate degree AND I had a young child to tend to. What kind of feelings does that stir up? Regret? Concern? Doubt? Questioning whether I made the right decision? Once I realized that I in fact was not alone and knew someone who was in a very similar boat, I took a nice calm breath and then I texted her.
Meet Mackenzie Woods, a brilliantly talented member of the 2021 JU MFA Cohort. And she is a mom of young children. In fact, while my son was running around our graduation at a year-and-a-half years old, she was pregnant with her son. She has since had her second child. And like me, Mackenzie took a step back from her full time dance teaching career to be a full-time mama to her little ones. When I first made the decision to step back from teaching, I felt like I wanted to bang my head against a wall. While I was ready for the change and it seemed like the best decision, I couldn’t help but wonder if I made a mistake somehow. All of the work that I poured into my degree seemed like it was for nothing. Even though I knew that I could pick up and return to the industry when I was ready, the rational part of me disagreed. It was so refreshing when Mackenzie had a similar feeling. “I have had this mental struggle where I feel like I’ve lost everything I’ve worked for professionally. I have these thoughts of, ‘Can my body still move the way I want it to?’. Do I still have the skills to choreograph?’ There’s a hesitation to put myself out there for future work opportunities. Before kids, my mind and body were completely consumed and immersed in choreography.” Another common problem I had as a working mother was juggling all of it. Going from school to pickup, dropping my son at home, and then going back for rehearsal was incredibly overwhelming! One of the reasons I needed to pause was strictly burnout. “I have to say that it’s been nice to focus my mind and body elsewhere, or ultimately into raising my kids. It has been almost refreshing in a way. Being a mom has allowed me to see more of my strengths AND weaknesses in a way that teaching or choreography couldn't. I find it comical that I used to think I would be bored as a mom if I wasn’t teaching simultaneously. HAH! There is never a dull moment as a mom.” And she is 100% right! Through these posts, I have often mentioned exploring ways to be creative to bridge the gap. For me, it was cooking, photography, playing guitar, and even little crafts with my son. When I asked Mackenzie the same question, she said “I try to create experiences with my kids. I try to make connections with other moms. I workout everyday so my body keeps moving. I’ll listen to music that makes me feel happy.” This reminded me of the living room dance parties and moments that I have caught my guy in a moment engaging his body in movement to express his current joy. Wasn’t that what part of that degree was about? The phenomenological experience of movement? Hmmm…. I am going to come back to that. One of the other struggles I experienced was missing the artistic side of dance and choreography. “I miss the adrenaline that comes with creating. I miss the community. I miss the joy I felt after a really good movement class. I miss getting lost in music and movement. I miss building connections with others.” I too experienced similar feelings. Especially when I felt like so much of my identity was wrapped up in the artistic side of dance. But when I asked Mackenzie what she did to maintain or hang onto her true self, she said, “finding new ways to create is how I maintain my identity. I have found myself painting, beading, crafting, and journaling. I have urges to create and I try to fuel that in fulfilling ways. I find myself turning on music and imagining movement in my head. It feels nice to not have a deadline for choreography. It feels nice that my imagination can come and go without any pressure. I will jot down inspiration or ideas that come to me in the hopes that it will come to good use one day. I have a playlist of songs that I add to for future choreography opportunities. I attend dance performances. I dance with my kids and I like to create experiences for my kids that allow them to be creative.” So, back to that degree. I wonder how many times I have created little opportunities or activities for my son that stemmed from my new knowledge of movement? Maybe it wasn’t a missed opportunity at all. I know that I think much differently than I did before I had a child. Maybe it was my MFA or maybe just “Mom” brain. But opening myself up to other creative offerings might just open doors for the future. And maybe those “Mom” experiences can feed my creativity for the next big venture. And I am grateful for the community and for the dancing mommas, like Mackenzie, who remind me that it is a unique journey that differs for each family. For now, the focus is on the task of raising the kiddos to explore and find their own creative voice. Happy dancing, mommas! Special thank you to Mackenzie Woods for taking time out of her busy schedule to answer my questions and share her story.
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AuthorNikki Allred Boyd (Dancer, Choreographer, Mom). Archives
March 2024
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